It’s three-twenty a.m.
I’m still awake.
I spent all day in bed yet it feels like weeks since I last slept.
Am I dead? I feel numb. Maybe that’s normal for this time of night. I did as much as I could to induce sleep before bed and I still couldn’t manage it. My wife has work in the morning and this isn’t helping. I’m in the kitchen, I’m tired but my mind is racing.
I’ve only just realised that for the last week I’ve been on a cycle where I’m asleep all day and all night, for two or three days. Then, maybe after sleeping away the third day, I have a sudden burst of energy and stay up all night working, writing and making plans.
I actually quite enjoying it. It’s nice here. It’s cool, it’s quiet, I have easy access to coffee and an ashtray without tramping up and down stairs, waking my wife – what more could I want? The more I think about it, the more I think that this could be living the dream: asleep all day where the fuckers can’t reach me and working all night in the cool, quiet kitchen of my home.
What the fuck am I depressed about?